These Words given by My Parent That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a break - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."